By Randy Moore
ALL human life is heart-centered, since none of us would last more than a minute without our heart pumping blood to every part of our body. It takes about 2.5 billion heartbeats to sustain us during seven-plus decades of life.
A more expanded definition of heart-centered refers to how we relate to our self and others. The nuances of our emotional interactions are influenced by our social conditioning and perspective about human nature. In other words, are people good or bad and are they trustworthy or not? Words that describe a heart-centered person include: open-minded, compassionate, forgiving, caring, conscious, tolerant, self-aware, harmonious, other-directed, and self-empowered. All of these terms refer to relationships with self and others.
Heart-centered people tend to follow their deeper longings in the choices they make regarding their career, avocations, partners and lifestyle.
They are also quicker to be honest, self-reflective and forgiving toward themselves and others. These high-level skills make them excellent role models for other people that may be less self-aware and more intolerant.
We’ve all heard individuals speaking from their heart. It’s the sound of someone saying what they feel and not what they think people expect to hear. Heart-centered people are at peace with being vulnerable, and that’s why they are often considered so compelling. Most of us are attuned to sense when other people are being genuine. I think of this attunement as a “human radar system,” although some people use words like intuition and gut feelings. Whatever the term, it’s about sensing trust and integrity. This is more than a convenience; it goes to the heart of our efforts to feel connected and successful.
I studied persuasion and attitude change at the University of Wisconsin in Madison. Thinking about heart-centered living reminds me of the importance of human communication in building trust. Reflecting on the tenants of effective human communication can help expand awareness about the potential of heart-centered living.
For example, likeability is highly regarded in the art of persuasion. And guess what makes a person more likeable? It’s when other people perceive similarities in our looks, our stories, our culture, our preferences, and even our favorite sport teams. This desire for resonance explains why politicians try to be so many personas at the same time. It’s their strategy for “connecting” with as many individuals as possible.
Here’s the most important thing to know about persuasion. People mostly persuade themselves based on their prior experiences and preconceived ideas. Outside influences are secondary to the self-persuasion process. This explains why so much money is spent to reinforce advertising and political messages. The creators and benefactors of these scripted messages don’t have a choice in the matter. Their effort is to overwhelm our senses so our choices and concepts are reduced to preferred options.
The self-persuasion model also explains why many people refuse to change even when presented with facts and reasoning. Being locked in with fixed ideas and beliefs is easier than being open. Being open means spending more time weighing the pros and cons of various decisions and choices. It means doing our homework, and who has time for that?
Most Americans vote based on their party affiliation (familiar biases) than the qualities of the individual candidates or the specific ideas they advance. Reducing the decision-making to an either-or choice means more time to do other things in our busy lives. The major corporations and the two dominant political parties benefit immensely when there are fewer choices. Most humans are happy to cooperate given their other priorities.
The best way to persuade people who their mind is made up is to present new information that allows them to reconsider their assumptions.
A corollary is to never make a person wrong for their opinion. All that does is cause people to hold on to their views and beliefs more tightly. A more effective strategy entails understanding the person’s perspective (listening), establishing that you agree with elements of their point of view (rapport), and then sharing a different insight based on your own experience (self-disclosure). The idea here is that a person’s perceived credibility becomes a bridge that can lead to the gradual formation of a new belief.
Consider the following the next time you are having a conversation with someone that’s dogmatic about religion, politics or anything else. Ask them to talk about a time when they changed their mind about an idea or issue. What happened to cause them to feel and think differently? Their position about the issue is less important than the process of changing their mind. Don’t be surprised if they struggle a bit at first to respond. You will be more effective with this interaction if you are prepared to answer the question yourself. Remember, the best way to open someone’s heart is to open your own.
Randy owns Triple 3 Marketing. He’s a long term advocate for positive change, having owned community magazines since 1999. Randy has a masters degree in communication arts from the University of Wisconsin at Madison where he studied persuasion and attitude change. Contact Randy at randy@triple3marketing.com.